You are a stand up comedian. What was the strangest stand up comedy show you did?
Actually, I haven't done stand-up in a while, not since my mid-20s, which was back in the year of our Lord "never you mind, a-hole."
The show that sticks out in my mind involved the first and only time my parents came to see me perform. They learned somehow that I was taking a comedy class while I was going to school at UT-Austin and insisted on coming down to see me perform. By this time, I had my act down pretty good and didn't want to mess with it since this was my first capacity crowd and I was towards the end, which means the audience would be at the right level of intoxication (not too sober to see through my obvious lack of talent and not too drunk to see if they could beam me in the head with a Shiner Boch bottle from across the room). My cousins were also in town and my parents invited them, along with a very old family friend. So I go up and do my act in the raw and trust me, it was. I cursed a lot. I yelled into the mic. I smoked and drank on stage. I did a joke about masturbating to the opening ceremonies of the Winter Olympics, which I still think is pretty good ("This close up shot of Kristi Yamguchi's tight skater's butt is brought to you by Jergen's Hand Lotion"). And I killed the joint. I didn't notice the whole time that my parents were just waiting to pounce because I had embarrassed them and everyone in my family tree going back to my Irish ancestors who used to laugh at rudely shaped potatoes. The guy immediately after me then does a full 15 minutes (10 minutes over his allotted time) on the funny, wacky things that happen in crack houses. So look for that in "Mug of Woe 2: Mug Woer."
Do you have a secret talent?
I can do the "Human Blockhead" trick with a Q-Tip. I'm working my way up to a power drill.
If a film studio was to do a movie on your life, what would it be titled?
"The World's Fattest Starving Writer." I can see the giant Coney Island Sideshow style movie poster every time I close my eyes.
Where can our readers find more of your work and comedy?
I'm a regular contributor for the Spike Channel's website (www.spike.com), Playboy's "The Smoking Jacket" (www.thesmokingjacket.com), MTV's Clutch (http://clutch.mtv.com) and the Shadowbox Comedy Theater of Columbus (www.shadowboxlive.org). My humor and feature writing has also appeared in Aol's TVSquad.com and Asylum.com, Esquire Magazine, Cracked.com, Mental Floss Magazine, The Christian Science Monitor, Chicago Tribune's "Redeye," The Austin American-Statesmen and The Center for the Easily Amused. I don't shower much.